1. Take one small dog from the country to a top floor flat in a hilly part of London. Discover that you have to take him for a walk two times per day. (In the country he used to take himself for walks, how easy was that?)
2. Give up your car and refuse to drive husband's. Make sure public transport is at least 5 minutes walk away - preferably over a hill. (Not difficult in NW3)
3. Make sure all amenities, pubs, bars, coffee places, the Post Office are a hilly walk away (can you see there's a theme to this diet?)
4. Start a new job where you have to stand a large part of the day and which is a walking distance from public transport (preferably over a hill).
5. Be so excited about your new city life that you forget to eat. Also lose children to new jobs and universities and practise this sentence when Husband enquires about food, 'The kitchen is so small it's impossible to cook properly in there; besides I fancy sushi tonight.'
6. Instead of Inactive Internet Shopping take up Oxford Street Shopping. The stress alone of being amidst the mass of people you used to only see on TV sheds pounds from your body. Slowly meandering tourists who get in your way are the best; even your rude Finnish swearwords don't work here - but don't worry - this means more weight loss!
Having looked as closely at my finances as I have studied my new slimmer waistline I think I've practised the last point in the diet plan a little too vehemently. Obviously even without fully realising it, I've taken the considered advice of Charles Bean, the Deputy Governor of Bank of England (is it relevant that he's only the Deputy?) to spend instead of saving. Or perhaps I've found the cure to all our ills? Spend and lose weight. The Economy and the nations' heath problems all solved with one fail Helena swoop....?
|OK, I'll never (again) be a racing snake, but these new Sevens are two sizes smaller than the previous pair.|